Saturday, February 28, 2009

The crazy world of getting married, muslim style

So having re-read my post,i realised for the first time i have given a bit more of the thoughts in my head, being slightly less guarded then my normal self, and also that the post is rather long, so enjoy.

This is a post with more questions then answers.
I'm just adding my own little musings and not adding anything new to the the this well discussed topic. The crazy world of getting married, Muslim (Asian??) style.

Not that I have started looking yet, but just thinking about it is confusing, but the future has a habit of being a confusing thing to look into. How do you know when to start looking? When is it too soon,and when is it too late?
I think I will start with my hopeful view of what marriage will be, that I will find someone that I click with, someone that I enjoy spending time with and someone that I can discover the rest of my life with. I feel marriage should never be thought of as a burden, but should instead add another layer to my life, allowing me to develop and express myself in different way, and hopefully the same goes for my future wife.

Being at uni really doesn't help matters, seeing lots of couples, and what that extra element adds to people's life (not referring to the physical sides of relationships). Mix that with the standard muslim expectation of can't get married till able to financially support yourself e.t.c and really does make you wonder. If i wasn't a muslim i'm pretty sure i would have done the whole dating thing by now. But that desire to be with someone,is very natural, part of being human and something I feel already, it makes me wonder how people can wait until they are in their 30's before getting married. Seems like you are putting yourself through unnecessary hurt/tests by waiting that long. But i guess that contrasts against finding the right person to spend the rest of your life with. I guess people can argue about careers, and doing stuff first, but I just think with the right person it can be done as a couple (is that me still being idealistic)

So now to give the thought process some structure

1) When do you start looking
2) How do you look
3) How do you know the person is right?

When do you start looking?

Few factors spring to mind with marriage, and looking for marriage.
  • Are you in a place in life where you feel that you are mature enough to be getting married (me mature lol, although just thinking of my few blog posts, they have all so far been rather serious). I think that's a hard thing to call, as most of the time it's about rising to the situation, and only then can you truly display the qualities needed. But i guess it comes down to being open minded and not thinking marriage will be a walk in the park, thinking that marriage will just be the honeymoonesque fun times. I guess its being able to compromise (key word with marriage i guess) and working with someone. But that's all words, and i think its how you react instinctively to the trials of marriage which will define weather you are mature enough i guess.
  • Are you financially stable enough to support someone else (obviously a guy thing), comes down to what you define as suffcient to support someone else. Personally i would go for being able to rent somewhere to live alone, and beyond that i don't think livng costs are that great. Instead the big barrier is the cost of the wedding itself (which will prob address in another post). I personally feel this can be a sumbling block to people getting married, especially the cost of weddings, meaning guys don't start looking till they feel finacially secure, often in late 20's. Hopefully that won't be me.
  • Parents
    - for guys, do they think you are ready / other side of the spectrum thing you should get a move on and get married before you are grey and old.

    - for girls much more it seems just get married sooner rather then later (before they gather dust on the shelves (disclaimer not my actual opinion)
Personally i'm actually in favour of younger marriages (24-26 for guys, and early 20's for girls), providing both parties are mature enough, and of course the right match for each other. I prob think 25-26 is realistic for moi, but I guess only Allah really knows.

My views on how to find someone and if the person is right in the next post or 2 (thought the post is getting a bit long, and will be interesting to see what other's think).


P.S The date on the post is when I started writing this lol, so taken me a week to actually finish it, I need to be more focused damn it.

Thursday, February 12, 2009


Do the ends justify the means? For once i'm not talking about terrorism (or torture). We do it everyday, we make compromises, sometimes with people, and sometimes with situations. Some we do after much thought, others subconsciously with seemingly no thought given to it. But I do wander at what point do we cross that imaginary threshold that we vowed never to cross, how close to the edge before it becomes inevitable?

If the world was only purely black and white, every decision would be simple. But instead we live in a world which encompasses many shades. I guess this is part of me trying to figure out can you ever justify doing something you disagree with for the right reasons. At what stage does the benefits outweigh departing from your moral compass?

I think it just goes back to everything is destined, and we must have faith in Allah (swt)!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

A return from the abyss

So if there is anyone out there reading my blog, I'm back. Let's hope a tad more consistent then before :)

No real excuses for not blogging, just couldn't think of a clear topic to blog about, nor got the confidence to blog about anything too personal, so instead i just lurked in the background reading other peoples blogs.

I will eventually come back to my intention to blog about Islamic Microfinance, but want to do a bit more research on it first. So don't think will be blogging on it too soon. Not quite sure what my next post will be on, but Inshallah it will be soon.